Moved!
http://itsjustjy.blogspot.com
``Scribble-ed
Was reading through all my previous entries just now. I'm really bored as I'm doing COS duty now with nothing to do. Anyway the entries brought back a flood of memories in me. Some made me reminisce, some made me cry and while some brought back the heartaches.
Anyway I realised the way I blog last time is different from how I blog now. The style isn't important, but I realised I started leaving out alot of things. Things like xD, =D, =P and all the smileys you can think of. I'm thinking army is taking the fun out of me. I feel so lifeless now, like life doesn't really have meaning anymore. Can't wait to ORD!
Confessions of a shopaholic is a not bad show. Chick flick lol.
``Scribble-ed
Ok I think I should blog something to revive this dead blog of mine. First post of 2009 too.
Since so many people are doing reflections of their past year, I shall do the same. 2008 would be a significant year for most people around me. Guys enlisting into the army, gals starting their university lives. It's a new experience for all of us. Looking back, I didn't know what to expect of army and now, I'm a 1 year soldier already. 1 year just flew past, hopefully the next 10 months would come fast too.
BMT. I tried my best to get into OCS, for the pride for the money whatever. I believed I aced my SIT test, but in the wrong way. I was too involved in all the 'dirty' work and I forgot about the planning part. Officers were supposed to plan and talk, while specialists were supposed to make it happen. That's why I'm now a specialist.
Sispec, BSLC. Again, I tried my best to crossover to OCS. Didn't make it in the end too. I believe I was in the top few of Bravo Company, or at least 3rd within my platoon. For reasons unknown our OC decided to send just one guy for the interview while other companies sent like 7 or 8. Chance gone.
Sispec, ASLC. Gave up totally. Even my section instructor noticed the difference in me and my attitude towards training. I didn't know what to tell him. Anyway, I just faded into the background, not even fighting for the silver bayonet. Somehow, I just couldn't muster enough strength within me to continue fighting, cause there has been too many setbacks.
5SIR. Fucked up camp and several fucked up people. Since I was posted there, I have been doing the same amount of duties as what others would be doing for a year. Yea I lost my life inside there. Before the men enlisted, we 'specialists' were doing guard duty, COS duty, area cleaning. You name it, we did it. Scrubbing the road kerb of algae, painting it black and white, plucking weeds, cleaning the toilets, cleaning the bunks, cleaning fucking magazines in the armskote, cleaning the GPMG etc. The general feeling within us specialists was that we were worse than banglas. So much for the 3SG rank on our sleeves. Fuck it I say.
Seriously, it was during this period of time that I started developing funny thoughts. I'm not joking. I was suicidal and sometimes it got worse than that. Doing guard duty provided easy access to guns and bullets and the thoughts passed through my mind frequently. Yea thats how bad it got. Now I'm just hoping my ORD will come sooner and that I don't do funny things.
Of course, through this one year in NS, I have made several friends. Friends who were willing to help me out, who suffered with me. Of course there's always the opposite. People who cared only about covering their own ass and people who are only good at talking. It also made me realise that Singapore is indeed very small. Everyone is linked to everyone, just check it out on facebook.
Aside from army, I must say I have enjoyed myself in the company of my friends. Climbers, scouts, classmates. Being around others sort of makes me forget about all the unhappy things in my life and I'm glad for that. I also think I'm more or less over the thing I couldn't let go in the past, cause of some company that I had. If only some things could make themselves clearer it would be even better. Right now I'm still unsure.
Well, it's been a long post. Good ranting about the past. Time to start afresh.
``Scribble-ed
It's been quite sometime since I last blogged and so many things have been happening until I dunno where to start.
121208 - PTP enlistment
The day where the men got posted into 5SIR camp. Nothing provided us on what to expect from taking men and I guess it's something that can't be explained in words anyway. Throughout this 1 week with the recruits, I found that taking men is a very tiring job, even though sometimes it doesn't seem that way. Sometimes there will be the feeling of contradiction, as at one point you would be f-ing them and the other you would be feeling proud of them for their enthusiasm thus far. Actually from what I see so far, men aren't all that bad. Sure, there would be chao-keng kia and attitude problem people, but there are also some who are fiercely loyal and would make a good soldier.
Enough about army I guess. But apart from army I dun have much of a life anyway. Life sucks for me. Things always dun go the way I want it to be, especially certain things. Yesterday night I didn't know how to react to something. Should I be sad? Angry? Did I expect it all along? Or am I reading too much into things? Truthfully speaking, I think the biggest flaw with me is my inability to interpret certain things correctly, something like reading between the lines. More often than not, my interpretation would be wrong, which makes it harder and harder for me to trust myself when it comes to this kind of things.
How many people have seen me troubled before, unsmiling and moody? I guess not many.
It seems like I'm good at concealing my emotions and forcing out a laugh. Sometimes I wonder why I do that. Maybe I just dun want to trouble others with my own problems. Maybe I'm just afraid to let others know that I'm troubled. Maybe I'm trying too hard to let others feel good around me while I keep my emotions inside. It's kind of tiring and I dunno how long I can keep this up.
Hah my blog seems like the only place to pour out all my troubles. What a loser.
``Scribble-ed
Life kinda sucks in camp, as some people like to impose their thinking on others and because of that new rules and restrictions come in. So what if they are higher-ranked or have several achievements in the army? I seriously don't give a damn. If not for my weekends or my ORD in 1 year's time, I don't know what I would do. But on the other hand, some people just makes me want to give my best for this last 1 year, and I believe many others feel the same way too. It's kinda contradicting, as one moment I would be like 'Fuck it' while the other I would be convincing myself to go for it. In short, I just can't wait for the 1 year to be up. Life as an INFANTRY SPECIALIST ain't a bed of roses, cause we feel more like MEN WITH THREE STRIPES.
Anyway, on a lighter note, I went to Double O yday with my Bravo Coy mates after the company cohesion BBQ. $30 entrance fee cause we went at like 1am. Ouch! But at least the drinks are cheaper than Zouk ( 1 jug costs like $12 at dbl O ) and the music was way better. Seriously feel like going again soon, cause yday we went late and was only there for like 2 hours. Saw like 2 people getting wasted and falling off their seats haha. Waited for the NightRider bus only to realise that I just missed it. Walked all the way to Outram Mrt station, and since it was still early decided to walk all the way to City Hall. Planned my route on the bus stop map outside Outram Mrt and luckily didn't go holland haha. Actually wanted to walk to Bugis but couldn't find any maps around the bus stops so suck thumb. I almost overslept on the mrt and on the bus home, luckily waking up at the very last moment to alight.
This would have been a great weekend as I booked out on Thursday afternoon, if only there wasn't any guard duty tml. Haiz booking in early on weekends suck. 2150 somemore! LLST.
Actually being a space-man wouldn't be so bad! ( Not literally an astronaut!! )
``Scribble-ed
Going back to the corner,
where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag,
I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard
Got your picture in my hand
Saying "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"
Some try to hand me money
They don't understand,
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense
What else can I do?
How can I move on
when I'm still in love with you?
Cause' if one day you wake up
and find that your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
Then you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street,
So I'm not moving
I'm not moving
Policeman says "Son you cant sit here"
I say there's someone I'm waiting for if its a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground,
even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind,
this is the first place she will go
Cause' if one day you wake up
and find that your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
Then you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street,
So I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
People talk about the guy,
thats waiting in on a girl
Woooaah -oooh
There are no holes in his shoes,
But a big hole in his world
Oooooh
Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved,
and maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news,
and you'd come running to the corner,
Cause' you know its just to move you
I'm the man who cant be moved
I'm the man who cant be moved
Cause' if one day you wake up,
and find that your missing me,
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
and you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street
so I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
(Cause' if one day you wake up,
and find that your missing me,
and your heart starts to wonder
where on this earth I could be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here
to the place that we'd meet
and you'd see me waiting for you
on the corner of the street)
Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag; I'm not gonna move.
``Scribble-ed
I'm 19! =D
Thanks to all who remembered :)
``Scribble-ed