Ok I think I should blog something to revive this dead blog of mine. First post of 2009 too.
Since so many people are doing reflections of their past year, I shall do the same. 2008 would be a significant year for most people around me. Guys enlisting into the army, gals starting their university lives. It's a new experience for all of us. Looking back, I didn't know what to expect of army and now, I'm a 1 year soldier already. 1 year just flew past, hopefully the next 10 months would come fast too.
BMT. I tried my best to get into OCS, for the pride for the money whatever. I believed I aced my SIT test, but in the wrong way. I was too involved in all the 'dirty' work and I forgot about the planning part. Officers were supposed to plan and talk, while specialists were supposed to make it happen. That's why I'm now a specialist.
Sispec, BSLC. Again, I tried my best to crossover to OCS. Didn't make it in the end too. I believe I was in the top few of Bravo Company, or at least 3rd within my platoon. For reasons unknown our OC decided to send just one guy for the interview while other companies sent like 7 or 8. Chance gone.
Sispec, ASLC. Gave up totally. Even my section instructor noticed the difference in me and my attitude towards training. I didn't know what to tell him. Anyway, I just faded into the background, not even fighting for the silver bayonet. Somehow, I just couldn't muster enough strength within me to continue fighting, cause there has been too many setbacks.
5SIR. Fucked up camp and several fucked up people. Since I was posted there, I have been doing the same amount of duties as what others would be doing for a year. Yea I lost my life inside there. Before the men enlisted, we 'specialists' were doing guard duty, COS duty, area cleaning. You name it, we did it. Scrubbing the road kerb of algae, painting it black and white, plucking weeds, cleaning the toilets, cleaning the bunks, cleaning fucking magazines in the armskote, cleaning the GPMG etc. The general feeling within us specialists was that we were worse than banglas. So much for the 3SG rank on our sleeves. Fuck it I say.
Seriously, it was during this period of time that I started developing funny thoughts. I'm not joking. I was suicidal and sometimes it got worse than that. Doing guard duty provided easy access to guns and bullets and the thoughts passed through my mind frequently. Yea thats how bad it got. Now I'm just hoping my ORD will come sooner and that I don't do funny things.
Of course, through this one year in NS, I have made several friends. Friends who were willing to help me out, who suffered with me. Of course there's always the opposite. People who cared only about covering their own ass and people who are only good at talking. It also made me realise that Singapore is indeed very small. Everyone is linked to everyone, just check it out on facebook.
Aside from army, I must say I have enjoyed myself in the company of my friends. Climbers, scouts, classmates. Being around others sort of makes me forget about all the unhappy things in my life and I'm glad for that. I also think I'm more or less over the thing I couldn't let go in the past, cause of some company that I had. If only some things could make themselves clearer it would be even better. Right now I'm still unsure.
Well, it's been a long post. Good ranting about the past. Time to start afresh.
``Scribble-ed