It's been quite sometime since I last blogged and so many things have been happening until I dunno where to start.

121208 - PTP enlistment
The day where the men got posted into 5SIR camp. Nothing provided us on what to expect from taking men and I guess it's something that can't be explained in words anyway. Throughout this 1 week with the recruits, I found that taking men is a very tiring job, even though sometimes it doesn't seem that way. Sometimes there will be the feeling of contradiction, as at one point you would be f-ing them and the other you would be feeling proud of them for their enthusiasm thus far. Actually from what I see so far, men aren't all that bad. Sure, there would be chao-keng kia and attitude problem people, but there are also some who are fiercely loyal and would make a good soldier.

Enough about army I guess. But apart from army I dun have much of a life anyway. Life sucks for me. Things always dun go the way I want it to be, especially certain things. Yesterday night I didn't know how to react to something. Should I be sad? Angry? Did I expect it all along? Or am I reading too much into things? Truthfully speaking, I think the biggest flaw with me is my inability to interpret certain things correctly, something like reading between the lines. More often than not, my interpretation would be wrong, which makes it harder and harder for me to trust myself when it comes to this kind of things.

How many people have seen me troubled before, unsmiling and moody? I guess not many.
It seems like I'm good at concealing my emotions and forcing out a laugh. Sometimes I wonder why I do that. Maybe I just dun want to trouble others with my own problems. Maybe I'm just afraid to let others know that I'm troubled. Maybe I'm trying too hard to let others feel good around me while I keep my emotions inside. It's kind of tiring and I dunno how long I can keep this up.

Hah my blog seems like the only place to pour out all my troubles. What a loser.

``Scribble-ed